For Men Who Have Difficulty Ejaculating During Sex
Delayed Ejaculation Treatment
Introduction to Delayed Ejaculation
For a man to have difficulty ejaculating goes against everything we expect of male sexuality - especially the idea that men are always "up for sex", and the idea that men have more trouble controlling their ejaculation than anything else. (And of course, many men do indeed ejaculate prematurely, without control.)
No wonder then, that a man with delayed ejaculation, who may not be able to come at all, should feel puzzled and anxious about what is going on during sex.
However, difficulty in ejaculating is very common, it's natural, and it can be solved easily. On this website, I will show you how this can be done.
So, if this is a challenge for you, have a look at the video below before you do anything else!
And when you've seen and heard the video, please read on below....
Itís no surprise that female partners of men with delayed ejaculation often feel distressed. A woman is probably not sexually fulfilled, and may also think her man doesnít find her attractive enough to reach climax during intercourse.
Wow! What a blow for a womanÖ.
And, of course, when a couple wish to have a baby, a manís inability to ejaculate is a problem on many levels, psychological, physical and emotional.
One of the other peculiar things about delayed ejaculation is that couples will often tolerate this condition within their relationship for years, if not decades, before treatment is initiated.
The final straw, the precipitating factor, in getting help is often tensions within the relationship caused by the manís inability to ejaculate during intercourse or the womanís desire to have a child.
There hasnít been a great deal of research conducted on delayed ejaculation because the problem has - until recently - been the least well-known of the male sexual dysfunctions. That's one reason why it's also been thought of as comparatively uncommon. (By the way, it's also called anorgasmia, male orgasmic disorder, or retarded ejaculation.)
Recent research suggests that up to 10% of men may be experiencing difficulty with delayed ejaculation at any one time. Perhaps this has not been recognized until now because of the shame associated with the condition.
Just What IS Delayed Ejaculation (DE for short)?
Of course we all know that erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation have received huge amounts of attention in recent years.
For example, premature ejaculation is a condition which has pretty much come out of the closet - you can talk about it freely... if you want!
So itís an interesting fact that delayed ejaculation is still comparatively unknown and poorly understood. And itís certainly not talked about very much.
This might be partly because people believe the condition is uncommon (which, as Iíve already suggested, is far from true), but it may also be based on the belief that the condition is regarded as difficult to treat. Or that men who have feel ashamed about their sexuality.
If so, let me tell you here and now - this problem is nothing to be ashamed of! It's normal, it's natural, and it can be cured!
Satisfying, normal, happy sex is within your grasp!
When treatment approaches are designed for each man, success is pretty much guaranteed.
You can find a great treatment program on this website. See the link at the bottom of each page....
Now, letís have a definition.
Essentially delayed ejaculation is simply a long delay in reaching orgasm, or the complete inability to reach orgasm, after normal sexual excitement and sexual activity that would be expected to produce orgasm.
Now of course not all men require the same level of stimulation to reach orgasm: but this definition, although vague, does not cause too many problems.
Any man who can sustain vigorous thrusting during intercourse for 30 minutes without approaching the point of orgasm and ejaculation can be said to have delayed ejaculation.
But what does a definition matter? Like the quick comers, those who have DE, know it.
So essentially delayed ejaculation is a long delay in reaching orgasm, or the complete inability to reach orgasm, after normal sexual excitement and sexual activity that would be expected to produce orgasm.
Men who have DE will feel some sexual desire and have good erections, but they cannot reach orgasm during intercourse.
This might be for all kinds of reasons, emotional and physical.
Maybe a man with DE is anxious or lacks confidence around sexual issues. Maybe he (whisper it!) simply doesn't like his partner. Or want to be with her.... it does happen!
Maybe he feel obliged to give everything in an attempt to please her during sex. Maybe her resents that.
Maybe he has conditioned himself to respond only to harsh masturbation methods so he can't come during normal intercourse.
Maybe he has become reliant on hard core fantasy or some special sexual stimulus ("paraphilic" stimuli) to get aroused, and he just doesn't find sex arousing.....
Of course, there are other reasons why a man might develop delayed ejaculation which needs self-help treatment of some kind.
An insensitive penis due to hard masturbation techniques can cause difficulties ejaculating later in life.
Some therapists believe that the origins of delayed ejaculation lie in "idiosyncratic" masturbation techniques during teenage years (like hands-free thrusting into the pillow or mattress).
These masturbation techniques seem to condition the penis and the sexual reflexes within the nervous system so that a man can only ejaculate with hard and vigorous stimulation of a kind which cannot be achieved during sexual intercourse.
In addition, the therapist Bernard Apfelbaum has come up with an intriguing and provocative theory which suggests that men with delayed ejaculation are in fact not really sexually aroused.
He believes that the autonomic functioning of his sexual reflexes leads to hard and long lasting erections with which a man attempts to please his partner, but that he can't come himself because he isn't aroused enough.
Treatment of Delayed Ejaculation
In view of the large number of possible causes, itís not surprising there are several treatment approaches to DE.
Thatís also why the same approach may not be appropriate in every case.
So, for example, itís not always necessary to explore a manís early sexual experiences, or his beliefs around human sexuality.
But you may need to explore any feelings of shame and guilt around sexuality, or your ability (or lack thereof) to communicate with your partner about sexual issues Ė often in the area of feelings, wishes and expectations around sex.
Often a man is unable to say "no" to his partnerís sexual (and other) demands and feels resentful even while engaging in sexual intercourse. He feels a compulsion to please his partner even at the expense of his own wishes and desires. These kinds of things may have to be looked at.....
As of now there are no drugs which can be used to treat delayed ejaculation, and itís extremely unlikely that there will be any developed in the near future.
Happily, a skilful combination of sex therapy, psychotherapy and behavioral therapy can usually produce dramatic improvements in the vast majority of cases.
Thatís the basis of the DE treatment program on this website, which appears to be successful for around 96% of the men who really are committed to using the techniques described.
What Are The Main Features Of Delayed Ejaculation?
Well, first of all, itís involuntary. Thatís to say the man isnít holding back his orgasm consciously.
He may have had delays or difficulties with his ejaculation from the very first stirrings of his sexual interest, in which case it is called primary DE, or it may have developed in later years after some initial sexual experience, in which case itís called acquired or secondary DE.
And the difficulty that a man has with ejaculation may occur in every sexual situation (generalized), or it can be situational, in other words occurring only with particular partners or in particular situations.
Some men who have delayed ejaculation will find that they can masturbate normally while others cannot; some men will find they have nocturnal emissions while others do not.
But basically the thing that unites all men with this condition is that the flow of erotic energy from sexual desire through sexual excitement and on to the final stage of orgasm is somehow inhibited or blocked.
Thereís no question the most common form of delayed ejaculation is the inability to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.
Often a man can reach orgasm during masturbation or even by manual and perhaps oral stimulation from his sexual partner, but heís unable to do so during intercourse.
Men can function anywhere on a sexual spectrum, from being able to climax during masturbation alone, to a complete inability to achieve climax even after vigorous and prolonged thrusting during intercourse.
Relationships seem to suffer because of DE - but could the relationship actually be the CAUSE of a man's sexual problems?
In most cases, sexual desire is normal and a manís ability to have an erection is quite normal.
Itís also important to understand that delayed ejaculation isnít helpful to a coupleís relationship. Some people think that it must be a bonus - that prolonged thrusting can bring women to orgasm through vaginal stimulation.
While this may be true, the fact is that the majority of couples where the man has difficulty ejaculating are marked by tension, stress, and low self-esteem on the part of the man and woman.
Another problem is soreness and irritation of the genitals that develop due to prolonged intercourse which ceases to be pleasurable.
And even if there are times when a man can reaches his climax inside his partner, they may be less than satisfactory because of the struggle to get to climax.
Indeed, most men with this particular sexual dysfunction probably think of sex as hard work, and not as a very enlightening or satisfying experience.
The really important thing here is that men with ejaculatory dysfunction of this kind often experience a delay in ejaculating (if indeed they can ejaculate at all) of 45 minutes or more, compared with an average time of 6 to 9 minutes in the population as a whole.
Is the expectation of sex an exciting or a depressing thought?
Often boredom or the failure of erection or the loss of lubrication on the part of the female partner is the signal for the end of intercourse.
Things are complicated when the woman feels some kind of responsibility for the fact that the man canít reach the normal climax of sexual activity.
Her feelings of guilt, shame or anger will be even more pronounced if the man isnít able to reach orgasm in any way with her, only being able to bring himself off through masturbation when he is alone.
Such orgasmic inhibition can cause extreme sexual difficulties and place an enormous burden on any relationship.
No surprise, therefore, that many men with delayed ejaculation feel very unhappy, particularly when itís a long-standing problem.
Often men with delayed ejaculation engage in sex just because their partner wishes them to, or to reassure themselves that they aren't impotent, that they are masculine and sexually competent.
And many men with DE fake orgasm, or experience erectile dysfunction, loss of desire or an aversion to sex. The body always has a story to tell, yes?
How Common Is This Condition?
Well, I think itís actually a great deal more common than people think.
From my work with men who have sexual problems, I estimate about 1 man in 12 is experiencing some kind of delayed ejaculation or ejaculatory difficulty, at any time. But DE is nowhere near as common as premature ejaculation, the frequency of which in the average population is between 50% and 75% of sexually active men.
Fortunately the treatment methods used by sex therapists - which can be adapted for use at home, in privacy - seem to help the majority of men regardless of how serious their DE. So the good news is, this problem can be treated successfully, using self-help methods, at home and in complete privacy.
When a couple work on this problem together, not only can this be a cure for delayed ejaculation, but it can also bring them closer together because open and honest communication about whatís going on can increase intimacy and a sense of closeness.
And the most important factor in achieving a cure seems to be a manís intention and commitment to achieve normal sexual function.
And although the medical profession are rather downbeat about the likelihood of success of treatment for retarded ejaculation, in my opinion, thatís because theyíre using the wrong treatment methods.
Another myth is that not many people understand delayed ejaculation. Thatís not true: there is a lot of medical literature on this sexual dysfunction, although the conditionís not very well known amongst the general population, and, it would appear, among sex therapists as well.
How Easy Is It To Treat Delayed Ejaculation?
Some men find it easy to overcome DE, and others don't. Motivation, desire, and intention have a lot to do with this.
Some therapists report that younger men are the easiest to help, most likely because they have less well established patterns of sexual behavior and seek treatment earlier in life.
But it's always important to be aware of the bigger picture.
For example, it may be that the problem only occurs in the presence of a particular sexual partner, and the man is able to ejaculate normally when he masturbates on his own, or it may be that he can ejaculate on his partner outside the vagina, but that he is unable to ejaculate internally.
Another indicator of the reasons why delayed ejaculation has developed is whether a man gets wet dreams (nocturnal emissions). Clearly, the presence of nocturnal emissions in a man who canít ejaculate when heís with a partner suggests some kind of emotional inhibition during sexual intercourse.
A key factor is whether or not a man is using any medication which might be responsible for interfering with his orgasm and ejaculation.
Another variation, which is seen less frequently, but does occur from time to time, is a dry orgasm, in which orgasm occurs without ejaculation.
This implies that seminal emission component of the ejaculatory reflex is missing, which may be induced by drugs or some kind of neurological problem, unless there is evidence of retrograde ejaculation in the form of cloudy urine being passed after orgasm.
What Is Delayed Ejaculation? A Simple SummaryÖ
When you have no choice but to take your timeÖ.
Delayed ejaculation (DE) and the now very infrequently used expression "retarded ejaculation" (RE) are terms used when a man has problems ejaculating during sex.
Very often, a man who has difficulty ejaculating while making love can do so during solo or mutual masturbation.
But when this particular ejaculatory dysfunction prevents the release of semen inside his partner while making love, it can be a source of great distress and anxiety and, even worse, it can cause a low sexual self-esteem and decreased confidence, as well as damaging a manís relationship with his partner.
So any kind of cure that lets a man "release" normally during intercourse is going to be of great value to many people, men and women alike. Fortunately, such a cure exists! Even better, you can get it here, on this very website!
To summarize the more common psychological factors Iíve observed in my work with men who have delayed ejaculation, they are:
However, do please remember that delayed ejaculation can also be the product of certain medications and prescription drugs, together with recreational drugs and excess consumption of alcohol. Neurological problems such as stroke or spinal cord damage can also be responsible for this condition.
A Video Which Helps Explain The Condition
See the bottom of the page for a quick link to the treatment program.
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© Delayed Ejaculation Treatment 2014
This is a site designed for the effective treatment of male ejaculatory disorder at home using the methods of treatment used by professional sexual psychotherapists. The cost of this site is about 2% of the cost of a course of treatment with a sex therapist - and the treatments work just as well!
Last updated: July 31 2015
Last Updated 07/31/2015