For Men Who Have Difficulty Ejaculating During Sex
Delayed Ejaculation -
A Slow Approach To Male Orgasm
Introduction to treatment
For a man to have difficulty ejaculating goes against everything
we expect of male sexuality - especially the
idea that men are always "up for sex", and the idea that men have more
trouble controlling their ejaculation than anything else. (And of
many men do indeed ejaculate prematurely, without control.)
No wonder then, that a man with a long-delayed ejaculation, or a man who
sometimes can't reach orgasm at all, should feel puzzled and anxious about what is going on
However, such difficulty in ejaculating is very common, it's natural, and it
can be solved easily. On this website, I will show you how this can be
So, if this is a challenge for you, have a look at the video below before you
do anything else!
Video For Men With A Slow Ejaculation
you've watched the video, please read on below....
Itís no surprise that female partners of men with
delayed orgasm and ejaculation often feel distressed. A
woman is probably not going to be sexually fulfilled, and may also think her man
doesnít find her attractive enough to reach climax during intercourse.
Wow! What a blow for a womanÖ.
And, of course, when a couple wish to
have a baby, a manís inability to ejaculate is a problem on many levels,
psychological, physical and emotional.
One of the other peculiar things about this problem is that couples will often
tolerate this condition within their relationship for years, if not decades,
before treatment is initiated.
The final straw, the precipitating factor, in
getting help is often tensions within
the relationship caused by the manís inability to
ejaculate during intercourse or the womanís desire to have a child.
There hasnít been a great deal of research conducted
on male ejaculation difficulties because the problem has - until recently - been the least well-known
of the male sexual dysfunctions. That's one reason why it's also been
thought of as
comparatively uncommon. (By the way, it's also called anorgasmia, male
orgasmic disorder, or retarded ejaculation.)
Recent research suggests that up to 10% of men may be experiencing difficulty with delayed ejaculation at any one time.
Perhaps this has not been
recognized until now because of the shame associated with
Just What IS Delayed Ejaculation ?
As we all know, erectile dysfunction and
premature ejaculation have received huge amounts of attention in recent
For example, premature ejaculation is a condition
which has pretty much come out of the closet - you can talk about it
freely... if you want!
So itís an interesting fact that delayed ejaculation
- also known as DE for short -
is still comparatively unknown and poorly understood. And itís
certainly not talked about very much.
This might be partly because people believe the
condition is uncommon (which, as Iíve already suggested, is far from
true), but it may also be based on the belief that the condition is
regarded as difficult to treat. Or that men who have feel ashamed about
If so, let
me tell you here and now - this problem is nothing to be ashamed of!
It's normal, it's natural, and it can be cured!
Satisfying, normal, happy sex is
within your grasp!
When treatment approaches are individually designed for each man,
success is pretty much guaranteed.
You can find a great treatment
program on this website. See the link at the bottom of each page....
Now, letís have a definition.
The Definition Of Delayed Ejaculation
it's simply a long delay in reaching
orgasm, or the complete inability to reach orgasm, after normal sexual
excitement and sexual activity that would be expected to produce orgasm.
Now of course not all men require the same level of
stimulation to reach orgasm: but this definition, although vague, does
not cause too many problems.
Any man who can sustain vigorous thrusting during intercourse for 30
minutes without approaching the point of orgasm and ejaculation can be said to have
But what does a definition matter? Like men with
premature ejaculation, those men who have a problem ejaculating at all
are very well aware of that fact.
So essentially the problem here is a long delay in reaching orgasm,
or the complete inability to reach orgasm, after normal sexual
excitement and sexual activity that would be expected to produce orgasm.
Men with DE will feel some sexual desire and have good erections,
but they cannot reach orgasm during intercourse.
This might be for all kinds of reasons, emotional
Maybe there's some kind of
emotional inhibition at work, preventing intimacy during sex, caused by fears around loss of control, or
hostility or anger towards the partner.
Maybe a man with this condition is anxious or lacks confidence
around sexual issues. Maybe he (whisper it!) simply doesn't like his
partner, or even want to be with her.... it does happen!
Maybe he feels obliged to give everything in an
attempt to please her during sex. Maybe her resents that.
Maybe he has conditioned himself to respond only to
harsh masturbation methods so he can't come during normal intercourse.
Maybe he has become reliant on hard core fantasy or
some special sexual stimulus ("paraphilic" stimuli) to get aroused, and
he just doesn't find sex arousing.....
Of course, there are other reasons why a man might
develop slowness or difficulty in ejaculating which needs self-help treatment of some
insensitive penis due to hard masturbation techniques can cause
difficulties ejaculating later in life.
Some therapists believe that the origins of this
problem with ejaculation lie in "idiosyncratic" masturbation techniques during
teenage years (like hands-free thrusting into the pillow or mattress).
These masturbation techniques seem to condition the penis and the sexual
reflexes within the nervous system so that a man can only ejaculate with hard and
vigorous stimulation of a kind which cannot be achieved during sexual
In addition, the therapist Bernard Apfelbaum has
come up with an intriguing and provocative theory which suggests that
men with a slow or even non-existent ejaculation are in fact not really sexually aroused.
He believes that the autonomic functioning of his
sexual reflexes leads to hard and long lasting erections with which a
attempts to please his partner, but that he can't come himself because
he isn't aroused enough.
Treatment Of Slow Ejaculation
In view of the large number of possible causes, itís
not surprising there are several treatment approaches for DE.
Thatís also why the same approach may not be
appropriate in every case.
So, for example, itís not always necessary to
explore a manís early sexual experiences, or his beliefs around human
But you may need to explore
any feelings of shame and guilt around sexuality, or your ability (or lack thereof)
to communicate with your partner about sexual issues Ė often in the area of
feelings, wishes and expectations around sex.
Often a man is unable to say "no" to his partnerís
sexual (and other) demands and feels resentful even while engaging in sexual
intercourse. He feels a compulsion to please his partner even at the
expense of his own wishes and desires. These kinds of things may have to
be looked at.....
As of now there are no drugs which can be used to
speed up ejaculation, and itís extremely unlikely that there will
be any developed in the near future.
Happily, a skilful combination of sex therapy,
psychotherapy and behavioral therapy can usually produce dramatic
improvements in the vast majority of cases.
Thatís the basis of the treatment program on this website, which appears
to be successful for around 96% of the men who really are committed to
using the techniques described.
Why Such Long Delays In A Man's Ejaculation?
Well, first of all, itís involuntary. Thatís to say
the man isnít holding back his orgasm consciously.
He may have had delays or difficulties with his ejaculation from the very first
stirrings of his sexual interest, in which case it is called primary
or it may have developed in later years after some initial sexual
experience, in which case itís called acquired or secondary delayed
And the difficulty that a man has with ejaculation
may occur in every sexual situation (generalized), or it can be
situational, in other words occurring only with particular
partners or in particular situations.
Some men who have this issue will find that
they can masturbate normally while others cannot; some men will find
they have nocturnal emissions while others do not.
But basically the thing that unites all men with
this condition is that the flow of erotic energy from sexual desire
through sexual excitement and on to the final stage of orgasm is somehow
inhibited or blocked.
Thereís no question the most common form of this
problem is the complete inability to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.
Often a man can reach orgasm during masturbation or
even by manual and perhaps oral stimulation from his sexual partner, but
heís unable to do so during intercourse.
Men can function anywhere on a sexual spectrum, from being
able to climax during masturbation alone, to a complete inability to achieve
climax even after vigorous and prolonged thrusting during intercourse.
Relationships seem to suffer because
of DE - but could the relationship actually be the CAUSE of a man's
In most cases, sexual desire is normal and a manís
ability to have an erection is quite normal.
Itís also important to understand that delays in
ejaculating (or the complete inability to do so) can be very disruptive
to a coupleís relationship. Some people think
that such prolonged intercourse must be a bonus, because prolonged thrusting can bring women
to orgasm through vaginal stimulation.
While this may be true, the truth is that the
majority of couples where the man has difficulty ejaculating are marked
by tension, stress, and low self-esteem on the part of the man and woman.
Another problem is soreness and irritation of the
genitals that develop due to prolonged intercourse which ceases to be
And even if there are times when a man can reaches
his climax inside his partner, they may be less than satisfactory because of the
struggle to get to climax.
Indeed, most men
with this particular sexual dysfunction probably think of sex as hard work, and not
as a very enjoyable or satisfying experience.
The really important thing here is that men with
ejaculatory dysfunction of this kind often experience a delay in
ejaculating (if indeed they can ejaculate at all) of 45 minutes or more,
compared with an average time of 6 to 9 minutes in the population as a
Is the expectation of sex an exciting
or a depressing thought?
Often boredom or the failure of erection or the loss
of lubrication on the part of the female partner is the signal for the
end of intercourse.
Things are complicated when the woman feels some kind
of responsibility for the fact that the man canít reach the normal
climax of sexual activity.
Her feelings of guilt, shame or anger will be even
more pronounced if the man isnít able to reach orgasm in any way with
her, only being able to bring himself off through masturbation when he
Such orgasmic inhibition can cause extreme sexual
difficulties and place an enormous burden on any relationship.
No surprise, therefore, that many men with delayed
ejaculation feel very unhappy, particularly when itís a long-standing
Often these men engage in sex just because their
partner wishes them to, or to reassure themselves that they aren't
impotent, that they are masculine and sexually competent.
And some men even resort to faking orgasm, or
experience erectile dysfunction, loss of desire or an aversion to sex.
The body always has a story to tell, yes?
How Common Is Delayed Ejaculation?
Well, I think it's a great deal more common
than most people think.
From my work with men who have sexual problems, I
estimate about 1 man in 12 is experiencing some kind of slow or absent ejaculation
during lovemaking or masturbation at
any one time. Even so, DE is nowhere near as common as premature ejaculation, the
frequency of which in the average population is between 50% and 75% of
sexually active men.
Fortunately the treatment methods used by sex
therapists - which can be adapted for use at home, in privacy - seem to
help the majority of men regardless of how serious their problem may be. So the
good news is, DE can be treated successfully, using self-help
methods, at home and in complete privacy.
When a couple work on this problem together, not
only can this be a cure for delayed ejaculation, but it can also bring
them closer together because open and honest communication about whatís
going on can increase intimacy and a sense of closeness.
And the most important factor in achieving a cure
seems to be a manís intention and commitment to achieve normal sexual
And although the medical profession are rather
downbeat about the likelihood of success of treatment for retarded
ejaculation, in my opinion, thatís because theyíre using the wrong
Another myth is that not many people understand
the problem. Thatís not true: there is a lot of medical
literature on this sexual dysfunction, although the conditionís not very
well known amongst the general population, and, it would appear, among
sex therapists as well.
How Easy Is It To Treat Delays In Male Ejaculation?
Some men find it easy to overcome DE, and others
don't. Motivation, desire, and intention have a lot to do with this.
Some therapists report that younger men are the easiest to help, most likely because they
have less well established patterns of sexual behavior and seek
treatment earlier in life.
But it's always important to be aware of the bigger
For example, it may be that the problem only occurs
in the presence of a particular sexual partner, and the man is able to
ejaculate normally when he masturbates on his own, or it may be that he
can ejaculate on his partner outside the vagina, but that he is unable
to ejaculate internally.
Another important factor to think about is whether a man gets wet dreams (nocturnal
emissions). Clearly, the presence of nocturnal emissions in a man who
canít ejaculate when heís with a partner suggests some kind of emotional
inhibition during sexual intercourse.
A key factor is whether or not a man is using any
medication which might be responsible for interfering with his orgasm
Another variation, which is seen less frequently,
but does occur from time to time, is a dry orgasm, in which orgasm
occurs without ejaculation.
This implies that seminal emission component of the
ejaculatory reflex is missing, which may be induced by drugs or some
kind of neurological problem, unless there is evidence of retrograde
ejaculation in the form of cloudy urine being passed after orgasm.
A Simple SummaryÖ
When you have no choice but to take your timeÖ.
DE and the now very infrequently used expression
"retarded ejaculation" (RE) are terms used when a man has problems
ejaculating during sex.
Very often, a man who has difficulty ejaculating
while making love can do so during solo or mutual masturbation.
But when this particular ejaculatory dysfunction
prevents the release of semen inside his partner while making love, it
can be a source of great distress and anxiety and, even worse, it can
cause a low sexual self-esteem and decreased confidence, as well as
damaging a manís relationship with his partner.
So any kind of cure that lets a man "release"
normally during intercourse is going to be of great value to many
people, men and women alike. Fortunately, such a cure exists! Even
better, you can get it here, on this very website!
To summarize the more common psychological factors
Iíve observed in my work with men who have delayed ejaculation, they
A repressive upbringing, particularly religious
upbringing, which regarded sex as sinful and leaves a man imbued with
shame or guilt around his sexual impulses
Physical masturbation techniques in adolescence
which mean a man masturbates in an idiosyncratic way, often by
thrusting his penis against the mattress in bed
Anger, resentment or even hatred towards the
However, do please remember that slow ejaculation
can also be the product of certain medications and prescription drugs,
together with recreational drugs and excess consumption of alcohol.
Neurological problems such as a stroke or spinal cord damage can also be
responsible for this condition.
This is a site
designed for the effective treatment of male ejaculatory
disorder at home using the methods of treatment used by
professional sexual psychotherapists. The cost of this site is
about 2% of the cost of a course of treatment with a sex
therapist - and the treatments work just as well!